what I'm taking into the next life

and what I'm leaving behind

Recently, I gave up a promising medical career and decided to pursue a life in the arts.

I was nervous, at first, to break the news — I was afraid to disappoint. But I’ve been humbled by the outpouring of support not just from mentors, friends and family (even my mom!), but also readers who shared their own struggles choosing between the head and the heart.

Thank you all. I'm very touched.

Now I'm packing my boxes, trying to decide what to take into this next life.

A medical work ethic, definitely. A love for science, sure. Used needles, piss bottles and exposed viscera? Probably not.

I’ll never need this again…

But there is one thing medicine gave me that I treasure above all else. It was drilled into me at Hopkins and lifted me to unfathomable academic heights. It's my most deeply held value, more so than even intelligence and creativity.

It is my love for learning. And it will carry me wherever I go.

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I'm not talking about education - I hate school and I'm thrilled to leave it behind. I hated being chained to a schedule, grinding out pointless assignments, and churning out essays about topics I didn't care about for grades that became arbitrary the moment I graduated.¹

Yeah, school sucked. But I have to admit that without it, I never would have developed the skills I needed to explore my genuine interests — skills like studying, critical thinking, and writing with intention.

And while my discrete clinical knowledge may slip away or fade into a vague intuition (I’ll never again take a set of vitals or recite a metabolic pathway by heart), the process of acquiring that knowledge will stick with me forever.

In essence, the real gift was learning how to learn.

See if you can figure this one out on your own. Hint: solid = direct flows, dotted = modulators.

Learning is a positive feedback loop: the more you learn, the faster you learn, with downstream effects on both skill and output. Learn to learn, and you can learn anything.

Value growth over intelligence, the process over the goal. Subdue the ego and embrace feeling dumb. Seek out and absorb as much as possible; recognize that there is an infinite amount of useful knowledge and no time to waste.

That’s what I’m taking to the next life. I'll need it. After all, I’ve got a lot to learn.

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There’s just a little more space in the box.

Enough room to pack my clinical professionalism, bedside manner, and emotional intelligence. These soft skills will help me reach and connect with my audience. I’ll also bring my kindness and curiosity and thoughtful nature and eye for detail. These are the traits that make me, me.

But one thing I’m leaving behind is selflessness. Hear me out: in medicine, the patient comes first; in art, the artist. Overemphasis on pleasing an audience diminishes creative connection to the self. So I'm choosing a version of selfishness — putting myself first, for the sake of the art.

Oh, one last thing — I'd also like to take you guys along. If you’re willing, of course. There is a long, hellish journey ahead, and we have a lot of ground to cover. But we could manage better together.

After all, with the best of company, a trek through Hell is but a walk in the park.

:’)

What do you say? Come along for the ride.

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👻 weekly updates

• Not much to report on this week. Been playing a lot of basketball, and watching the NBA playoffs. Go Pistons, go Lakers. Also been on a bit of a social media cleanse — I’m off everything but Substack and occasionally YouTube (during meals). So I guess it’s more of a diet than a cleanse.

1. I started rebelling against school early, in the third grade, when I stopped submitting any homework. My fourth grade teacher tried to kick the habit but jokes on you Mr. Petty. I never learned.