tldr: bullshit, give up on giving up. You can have those childish fantasies, but they need to be earned
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It's none of my business, I don't have full context, and these are just my reactions that will sound like unsolicited advice.
Feel free to ignore, it's just my two cents.
First paragraph is relatable and understandable when life's got its talons around your throat, trying to throttle you to death
'Career path' is siloed and inherited thinking. The 'path' isn't linear. Maybe for a doctor, dentist, or engineer yeh, but the rest? Nah.
No door is permanently closed, but it's on you to figure out how to ram your foot back into them.
There's no expiry date, time isn't running out. Unnecessary pressure, dispose of it and give your lungs some space to breath. It's self inflicted.
You fumbled opportunities, fine.
You disappointed peers and mentors, or think you did. Fine, fuck them all anyway. Time to be selfish, you have bills to pay,
You're lost, and that's fine. Nothing wrong with keeping the inner child alive either, life's no fun without him.
Give yourself a bit of time to be mellow, but then get a job. You'll hate it, but you need to eat and let your brain go from 'survival mode' to 'ok how the fuck do I improve my circumstances' mode.
Anyway, you probs know all that deep down. Executing in small steps is how you start rebuilding momentum. It's not easy, but I refuse to believe you can't do it tbh
Yeah, I’m not even started with my twenties and I am seriously trying to lock in. Thanks for this, it gives me insight on the actual consequences of not doing. I really wish you luck, you can for sure be happy still and use your potential, even if it’s harder now, maybe that is even good, as you need the suffering and the work.
Good essay. I think I can relate to this in a lot of ways, I did a lot of things to orientate my life around the objective of preserving freedom (dropping out, taking weird jobs and living in voluntary poverty to preserve exploration time, and so on).
IMO it doesn’t have to be a “puer boy” symptom. For me it legit took 4 years to just get out of poverty, and then another 3 to figure out what my talents even are, and then another 2 to figure out what to do with them.
All in all it’s been a very rocky, and odd, 10 year journey. And that’s ok! It was painful and I felt that my life was marked by constant failures, but looking back, all things are leading somewhere.
One of the things Americans have a hard time tolerating but is very true is: “the course of your life is hidden from you.”
Keep hope. You do not know what will happen. In my experience, more work does not fix the problem, work of course is necessary…but the tighter I gripped to work to try to *be* something for me (a sense of worth, to excuse my failures, to impress others, whatever), the less it was anything at all.
I actually think the cure is detachment. If you can do work out of love, not only for the work itself but for *others*, that’s when things really start to align and start happening.
Anyways, I did notice you haha!! I love that my Jung essay/tirades has become a scene meme. It’s so fun.
i agree that work for the sake of work is not the answer, and that doing work for others is probably the only way to find meaning in your work long run. first step for me is to stop avoiding work in general.
the world waits with baited breath to see if laura will release the long awaited jung essay. will she, won’t she? only time will tell.
"Fuck. I feel like I’ve wasted my twenties. I’ve squandered opportunity after opportunity. I’ve disappointed peers who admired me and mentors who supported me. I have no career path. I’m hopelessly lost. Time is running out, and the walls are closing in. "
If it makes you feel better, I pursued dreams well past a PhD and into my early fourties sacrificying everything else in my life for it, and then at 42 I spectacularly blew it all up in a way I can't recover, and now have no dreams and nothing to show for my life. You still have your 30s, and haven't burned everything down, so you are way ahead.
Queue alternate reality where you chose the medical path, burnt out in it, and wrote a substack about how you wish you had not sold your soul to the system and had followed your passion for music
Life happened as it did. What matters is what narrative you attach to past events. You are already complete as you are.
right, it seems like a grass is greener situation where no matter what path i choose, i wonder ‘what if’… agree that a cognitive shift is in order though it will take some work and may be the topic of a future essay.
Great stem cell analogy. Everlasting potential is self-destructive.
try not to mention the fig tree metaphor impossible challenge
nice song
ty
tldr: bullshit, give up on giving up. You can have those childish fantasies, but they need to be earned
-
It's none of my business, I don't have full context, and these are just my reactions that will sound like unsolicited advice.
Feel free to ignore, it's just my two cents.
First paragraph is relatable and understandable when life's got its talons around your throat, trying to throttle you to death
'Career path' is siloed and inherited thinking. The 'path' isn't linear. Maybe for a doctor, dentist, or engineer yeh, but the rest? Nah.
No door is permanently closed, but it's on you to figure out how to ram your foot back into them.
There's no expiry date, time isn't running out. Unnecessary pressure, dispose of it and give your lungs some space to breath. It's self inflicted.
You fumbled opportunities, fine.
You disappointed peers and mentors, or think you did. Fine, fuck them all anyway. Time to be selfish, you have bills to pay,
You're lost, and that's fine. Nothing wrong with keeping the inner child alive either, life's no fun without him.
Give yourself a bit of time to be mellow, but then get a job. You'll hate it, but you need to eat and let your brain go from 'survival mode' to 'ok how the fuck do I improve my circumstances' mode.
Anyway, you probs know all that deep down. Executing in small steps is how you start rebuilding momentum. It's not easy, but I refuse to believe you can't do it tbh
Looking forward to your Rocky cut scene
Sincerely,
random 28 y/o dude
working on getting that job now. not planning to kill the kid or anything but i’ll have to suffer for a bit to make any kind of dream a reality.
Atta boy dude. A dream that's been earned through effort tastes sweeter
Plus the added benefit of being a profoundly resilient guy after voluntarily eating shit to get there. Good luck bro, you can do it
maybe its cuz im stoned rn but this was crazy good to read
it’s definitely cause ur stoned
You should read the poem “what work is” by Philip Levine. It’s not that long and talks about a lot of the same feelings you’re describing here
just read, it’s pretty dreary. but captures a similar hopelessness.
Yeah, I’m not even started with my twenties and I am seriously trying to lock in. Thanks for this, it gives me insight on the actual consequences of not doing. I really wish you luck, you can for sure be happy still and use your potential, even if it’s harder now, maybe that is even good, as you need the suffering and the work.
appreciate that. i haven’t lost all hope yet.
for u i would just say explore but take it serious. try building with the long term in mind.
Good essay. I think I can relate to this in a lot of ways, I did a lot of things to orientate my life around the objective of preserving freedom (dropping out, taking weird jobs and living in voluntary poverty to preserve exploration time, and so on).
IMO it doesn’t have to be a “puer boy” symptom. For me it legit took 4 years to just get out of poverty, and then another 3 to figure out what my talents even are, and then another 2 to figure out what to do with them.
All in all it’s been a very rocky, and odd, 10 year journey. And that’s ok! It was painful and I felt that my life was marked by constant failures, but looking back, all things are leading somewhere.
One of the things Americans have a hard time tolerating but is very true is: “the course of your life is hidden from you.”
Keep hope. You do not know what will happen. In my experience, more work does not fix the problem, work of course is necessary…but the tighter I gripped to work to try to *be* something for me (a sense of worth, to excuse my failures, to impress others, whatever), the less it was anything at all.
I actually think the cure is detachment. If you can do work out of love, not only for the work itself but for *others*, that’s when things really start to align and start happening.
Anyways, I did notice you haha!! I love that my Jung essay/tirades has become a scene meme. It’s so fun.
i agree that work for the sake of work is not the answer, and that doing work for others is probably the only way to find meaning in your work long run. first step for me is to stop avoiding work in general.
the world waits with baited breath to see if laura will release the long awaited jung essay. will she, won’t she? only time will tell.
What a coincidence, I wrote about Dr K and a bit on my PA syndrome last week!
"Fuck. I feel like I’ve wasted my twenties. I’ve squandered opportunity after opportunity. I’ve disappointed peers who admired me and mentors who supported me. I have no career path. I’m hopelessly lost. Time is running out, and the walls are closing in. "
If it makes you feel better, I pursued dreams well past a PhD and into my early fourties sacrificying everything else in my life for it, and then at 42 I spectacularly blew it all up in a way I can't recover, and now have no dreams and nothing to show for my life. You still have your 30s, and haven't burned everything down, so you are way ahead.
Queue alternate reality where you chose the medical path, burnt out in it, and wrote a substack about how you wish you had not sold your soul to the system and had followed your passion for music
Life happened as it did. What matters is what narrative you attach to past events. You are already complete as you are.
right, it seems like a grass is greener situation where no matter what path i choose, i wonder ‘what if’… agree that a cognitive shift is in order though it will take some work and may be the topic of a future essay.
how did you go from music school to potential doctor??
other way around
doctor -> music school? what caused the pivot
https://open.substack.com/pub/dannyjli/p/why-im-not-going-to-medical-school?r=1dvvef&utm_medium=ios