welcome to barely conscious!
my little corner of the collective consciousness
Note: the name of this publication has changed but all of the following is still true and relevant!
I'm now a fully grown human being (allegedly!), with a fully developed forebrain. That's supposed to grant me incredible superpowers of self-control, focus, and long-term decision-making. Instead, I'm emotionally unstable, financially irresponsible, and terribly lost. My career path? Nonexistent. Marketable skills? Nada. My education? Completely wasted.
In college and grad school, I hopped from interest to interest like a hyperactive puppy following its every whim. In theory, I received a prized multidisciplinary education - but in practice, I simply skimmed the surface of the subjects I studied and skipped out when times got tough. As a result, my knowledge has breadth, but not depth. I never developed true expertise in any field.
So what qualifications do I have for starting a newsletter?
Absolutely none.
I'm an inexperienced writer with a limited vocabulary and rudimentary prose. I don't have the skills or background to contribute meaningfully to any discussion on culture or art or lifestyle or philosophy (my personal interests).
But forgive me if I find this universe of written thoughts and ideas so beautiful, so unbelievably captivating, that I have to try and partake in it. Though I've only just dipped my toes in, my mind has already been pushed, stretched far beyond what I thought possible. Fresh perspectives challenge the way I perceive the world. Cultural critiques rip apart my values. Real, raw personal essays draw me in and break my heart. It's infinitely exciting! I'm so lucky to have discovered this great collective consciousness. In comparison, I am so small, so insignificant, barely even conscious. I feel like a little man with a telescope, hoping to one day understand the stars.
So what can I hope to contribute? After thinking it over, here's what I can offer you:
My doubt.
As you can see, I have plenty of it. I understand very little about the world, and the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. I'm perpetually confused by contradicting ideas and advice. I have so many questions. But I embrace this state of uncertainty - only through not-knowing can one begin to know.
My struggle.
Like you, I struggle with love and work and consistency and keeping a decent sleep schedule. I struggle to stay motivated and accept my flaws and find meaning in life. I'm always on the verge of giving up - but I don’t. I'll share my efforts to make sense of it all.
My hope.
I believe there is Truth within us all, and I hope I can access mine and communicate it effectively. I hope some of it resonates with you. I pray that through the doubt and the struggle there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For my endless questions, I hope to find the answers. I hope those answers exist at all.
These three things - doubt, struggle, and hope - I can promise you. As for the rest - clarity, insights, wisdom? No guarantees.
Welcome to barely conscious, my little corner of our collective consciousness. Let's learn together, grow together, and expand into one another endlessly.