all that really matters is the right intention.

to impress or to connect?

I often struggle between two conflicting intentions.

The first: I want to impress. I want to be recognized for my supposed greatness, my alleged accomplishments. I want to feed my ego.

The second: I want to connect. I want to love and be loved, to form deep relationships and belong to something greater than myself.

These two intentions cannot coexist. And my interpersonal relationships are defined by the one I choose to follow.

When I first started online dating back in 2023, my objective was to impress women. I wanted them to see how cool and smart and successful I was. Surely that would win them over, right? But then text conversations would fizzle out and girls would stop responding. I didn’t get it. What was I doing wrong?

It turns out: Intention is obvious, and intention is everything.

So I stopped overthinking. I stopped trying to impress and started trying to genuinely get to know a woman — and the conversation would flow, one thing would lead to another, and we’d end up on a date!

I threw away the tricks and techniques, the canned lines and crafted openers. And all that remained, all that really mattered, was the right intention.

I know I write about women a lot, but this is not a dating blog. No, really. I have other problems too! Mostly social and creative ones. But as it happens, following the right intention solves those problems as well.

I like making friends, and in NYC, opportunities to meet and mingle are endless. But when I speak from a hidden desire to impress, it only leads to discomfort and disconnect. Alternatively, when I try to connect, to share and receive, to build mutual comfort… it often leads to the exact admiration and respect I’d otherwise desired. Backwards, no?

The same is true of my creative work. Only when I sing or write from a place of true self-expression does the audience feel invited into my art. When I reach out openly, honestly, with no protection or shame — well, the hearts of humans open up like rosebuds in the spring.

To impress or to connect? I don’t always make the right choice. I’m flawed, after all, just like you. But whenever I’m unsure, (and I often am), I ask myself:

Do I have the right intention?

And the rest falls into place.